Fox Tramp: Funeral Boners and Nazis

SONY DSCNazis in tattooing are like boners at a funeral. They’re an unfortunate aspect but their existence doesn’t make you want to cut your dick off.

I don’t know why, but every TV show or movie with tattoo artists portray them as Criss Angel wanna-bes or illiterate rock stars who drink until the sun goes up. In reality many are just geeky art kids. They have comic book folders and see punk shows. Contrary to the popular portrayal of American television and movies, the world of tattooing tends to have political and philosophical ideologies polar opposite to those of white supremacists and Nazi skinheads.

The degenerate Nazi types of groups exist on the fringe of culture, whether the scene be tattooing, punk shows, or politics. They’re the Fred Phelps or Sarah Palin of the tattoo world, laughably annoying and without actual power.

My friend took a trip to tattoo up in northern California, near San Francisco. A Nazi walked in, wanting a Swastika on his arm. The artists sent him over to the guest artist, Hiro, who was visiting from Japan. The Nazi said, “I don’t give a shit who does the tattoo.”

Hiro told the guy $200 to tattoo the arm but only $25 to tattoo the Swastika on his hand. These sort of statements make the point. There’s subtext. The point of  “we don’t want to do your tattoo” is being made.

People can him and haw all they like that tattooing is a service industry but it’s the only service industry where the customer isn’t always right and, actually, is usually wrong.

Artists tend to take the “fuck off” approach to Nazis and skinheads or really anyone who thinks Arian is an endearing term. Tattooers will throw ridiculous price quotes at them in hopes of scaring off their meth ravaged wallets. Most artists I know refuse to tattoo any Third Reich paraphernalia flat out. If any tattooer ever gives you a huge price for your tattoo idea then it’s because they don’t want to tattoo you. Maybe your idea sucks. Maybe you suck.

The one thing every artist can agree on, though, is they love to fuck with Nazis.

I once heard this “get what you got” story. Artists cut up this board so people could fit their arm or leg through the hole. If you paid the shop minimum you could stick an appendage through and you’d be guaranteed at least an hour of tattooing. Once a Nazi skinhead walked in and artists convinced him to take the “get what you got” deal. He stuck his arm through and when he pulled it out, fury ensued.

The artist had tattooed a pin up girl on his arm but with a big afro, round butt, and heavy brown shading.

That’s the problem of the Nazi who wants to permanently mark his skin with misguide hatred. You can’t find a decent artist who’ll tattoo you or if you do, at a reasonable price. My advice for these Hitler dick suckers is to call their friend Skeeter (I assume every racist has a friend named Skeeter) and have him do a good old fashion stick and poke tattoo. Then take your hepatitis like a man and move on with your life.


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